You=E2=80=99re a new =
transplant to=20
the city. You=E2=80=99ve got a Giants hat on your head, an =
=E2=80=98artisan=E2=80=99 pour-over=20
coffee in hand, and a sleek new road bike locked up right outside the=20
coffeeshop. You pay too much in rent.
So you must be a local now, huh? Not so fast. Here=E2=80=99s why =
you=E2=80=99re still a=20
tourist in San Francisco.
1. You say =E2=80=9CSan Fran.=E2=80=9D
Sure, it sounds pretty cool =E2=80=94 to people that don=E2=80=99t =
live in San Francisco.=20
Dropping =E2=80=9CSan Fran=E2=80=9D mid-conversation is a sure-fire way =
to show others that you=20
haven=E2=80=99t been in town too long. The city doesn=E2=80=99t need a =
nickname, but if you=E2=80=99re=20
going to go with one, try one of the others: SF or =E2=80=9Cthe =
City.=E2=80=9D People don=E2=80=99t call=20
them =E2=80=9CSan Di=E2=80=9D or =E2=80=9CLos Ange,=E2=80=9D do =
they?
2. You don=E2=80=99t layer up.
If it=E2=80=99s nice out, think twice before leaving your house =
without a sweater or=20
jacket. Once the hour hand strikes 5pm, you=E2=80=99re going to be =
wishing you had one.=20
When the first gust of cold air cuts through your American Apparel =
Tri-Blend=20
V-neck, you=E2=80=99re going to be heading in either of two directions: =
home (to get a=20
jacket) or the mall (to get a jacket). Don=E2=80=99t ruin a good time =
=E2=80=94 layer up.
3. You don=E2=80=99t curb your wheels.
You head to Ikea to furnish your new place. Once you=E2=80=99ve =
gotten your fill of=20
Swedish meatballs, you drive back to the city with intentions of =
strolling=20
around Russian Hill. You find a spot on Union and Larkin, nail the =
parallel=20
parking job, and go for a walk. You forget to curb your wheels and come =
back to=20
see the worst-case scenario: Your car=E2=80=99s careened into a 2014 =
Mercedes S-Class. A=20
slightly better scenario? You get an easily avoidable parking ticket. =
Hopefully=20
you remember to turn your wheel the correct direction next time.
4. You stand to the left.
Ever wonder why people behind you on the BART escalator happen to =
sigh=20
repetitively every time you=E2=80=99re on it? Move over. Stand to the =
right. Walk to the=20
left. Simple. Don=E2=80=99t worry =E2=80=94 you=E2=80=99ll find yourself =
sighing at others soon enough.=20
If you=E2=80=99re smart, you=E2=80=99ll bring this information with you =
to every escalator you=20
come across.
5. You eat at chains.
All these amazing restaurants in the city, and you still go to the =
Cheesecake=20
Factory in Union Square for dinner? Walk down Valencia Street. Throw a =
rock in=20
any direction. Go there for dinner. You=E2=80=99ll thank yourself for =
it.
If you really dig the sourdough, seals, and gimmicky shops (who knew =
a store=20
that only carries left-handed goods could stay in business?), turn off =
your=20
phone before heading to Pier 39. It would be a shame if anyone knew =
that=E2=80=99s what=20
you do for fun. If you really want to wait in a crowd, opt for some warm =
pastries at Tartine Bakery instead. Please. Entertainment? Stroll over =
to Castro=20
Theatre and see what=E2=80=99s playing.
7. You line up to ride the cable cars.
So you=E2=80=99re fine with spending excessive amounts of money to =
ride the cable=20
cars. You=E2=80=99re going to wait in line at the first and last stops, =
too? That=E2=80=99s=20
okay, but you=E2=80=99re better off hopping on at any other stop =
that=E2=80=99s not at the=20
beginning or end of the line. You won=E2=80=99t have to waste a large =
chunk of time,=20
which could be better spent shopping for overpriced goods at Pier =
39.
8. You don=E2=80=99t step down on Muni.
If you=E2=80=99re getting off a Muni bus through the back door, =
don=E2=80=99t just stand=20
there staring at the door waiting for it to open. Once the green light =
turns on,=20
pay attention. Step down onto the first step to make the doors open. =
Magic! Take=20
this to heart, or risk being jeered at by everyone within a 15ft radius =
of your=20
being. One small step for you, one giant leap for everyone trying to get =
home=20
after a long day at work.
9. You=E2=80=99re going to the beach for a swim.
Yes, San Francisco does have a beach. But, honestly, do you really =
want to go=20
swimming in a wetsuit or risk hypothermia? Yes!? Polar Bear Club =
applications=20
are over there.
10. You tell people to visit in June.
June sounds like a great time to visit, but you=E2=80=99re better off =
telling your=20
friends and family to visit in October when it=E2=80=99s warmer. The =
months of June and=20
July are cold and foggy. If your friends are into that, maybe =
it=E2=80=99s time to find=20
new friends. Mark Twain wouldn=E2=80=99t have been too far off if he =
actually did say=20
=E2=80=9Cthe coldest winter [he] ever spent was a summer in San =
Francisco.=E2=80=9D
Go forth, and be a tourist no longer.
=20
Get more stuff like this in your inbox!
Sign up for our newsletter and get emails of great stories like =
this.
Joe is a writer and marketer with a passion for Brazilian jiu jitsu. =
Residing=20
in San Francisco, Joe operates his e-commerce business and explores the =
globe=20
any chance he gets. He=E2=80=99s currently planning his next great =
escape to undisclosed=20
locations.
Los Angeles is definitely shortened to LA quite=20
frequently=E2=80=A6
=20
strfx4 =
While Joe obviously loves to be a pretentious prick, some things to =
consider:
1) LA, or Los Angeles, started out as =E2=80=9CEl Pueblo de Nuestra =
Se=C3=B1ora la Reina=20
de los =C3=81ngeles del R=C3=ADo de Porci=C3=BAncula=E2=80=9D. So, =
yeah, people like nicknames, and=20
shorten names if they feel like it.
4) Even outside of San Francisco, people stay on the right and move =
on the=20
left. You=E2=80=99re not special.
5) I go to In-n-Out Burger. If that pisses you off, even=20
better.
Brita Stripes =
=20
I don=E2=80=99t believe Joe is being a pretentious prick. As a =
San Francisco=20
native, I think this was spot on especially with the first one on =
this list.=20
You=E2=80=99re right, people like nicknames and can shorten names =
if they feel=20
like it but just in the same way people don=E2=80=99t like being =
called by nicknames=20
and have every right to bitch about it if they feel like it. =
=E2=80=9CSome thing to=20
consider=E2=80=9D I don=E2=80=99t see San Franciscans saying Los An =
but I=E2=80=99m sure just as=20
many Angelenos would be infuriated if their hometown was shortened =
to such a=20
degree.
I also love In-N-Out and I=E2=80=99m sure Joe does too, but that =
doesn=E2=80=99t mean we=20
should only go there and never think to explore all the other local =
burger=20
places which are equally if not better than the fast food chain. San =
Francisco is one diverse city with many great places to eat and one =
way to=20
really enjoy the city is to venture off to local eateries.
Overall, I think this was done to be funny and to make fun of =
tourists.=20
You=E2=80=99re getting a little too worked up and critiquing Joe a =
little harder=20
than he critiqued the tourists haha. Calm your tits and=20
chill.
Jordan =
=20
um in a native and i call it san fran lol and i eat at chains =
like=20
cheesecake factory wtf. i mean i eat at all the little ones as =
well but=20
common why would i NOT eat at boulangerie? best place=20
ever
=20
=20
@Vagablondy =
=20
11. You waste time looking for street parking in the financial =
district,=20
making you late for your meeting.
12. You skip the sourdough bread because you=E2=80=99re on a diet =
or mistake it for=20
tasteless Italian bread.
13. You walk by Peet=E2=80=99s to get to Starbucks and =
don=E2=80=99t know what you=E2=80=99re=20
missing.
14. You=E2=80=99re afraid of driving on twisty roads and collect =
strings of=20
impatient local cars behind you.
15. You forget to bring your camera wherever you go.
16, You haven=E2=80=99t visited all the diverse neighborhoods in =
The City and=20
think they=E2=80=99re all like the one you=E2=80=99re =
in.
Manistiquenativ =
=20
Mostly I find people are pretty tolerant of those who drive =
slowly on=20
twisty roads =E2=80=93 fasho they pass as soon as possible, but they =
don=E2=80=99t generally=20
honk or tailgate =E2=80=93 unless they=E2=80=99re an anus driving a =
white=20
BMW.
=20
=20
Daniel Freeman =
=20
Mark Twain didn=E2=80=99t say that; only casual n00bs bandy that =
about. Perhaps=20
you=E2=80=99re still a tourist as a writer when you don=E2=80=99t =
research before=20
writing.
Bruce Williams =
=20
And perhaps should try to comprehend what you=E2=80=99ve read =
before posting=20
something foolish.
Daniel Freeman =
=20
And perhaps should try cutting the hipster snark before=20
breathing.
Bruce Williams =
=20
Yes: =E2=80=9Dperhaps should=E2=80=9D =20
Daniel=20
Freeman
Do you realize how insane you =
sound?
=20
=20
Amyjo9 =20
Do you realize how insane you =
sound?
=20
=20
guest =20
You suck
=20
Amyjo9 =20
clever comment, I win again!
=20
=20
=20
=20
Daniel Freeman =
=20
Also, people like you need to leave the city. You=E2=80=99re =
ruining it for the=20
artists and thinkers. If my friends are into fog, maybe I should find =
new=20
friends? Do you know how much of an imbecile you sound like? Go back =
to the=20
gym and do some more pushups.
=
=20
Andrew Lazarus =
=20
No one who lives in SF expects to find a parking space at Union and =
Larkin.
=20
mk =
The worst is calling it =E2=80=9CFrisco=E2=80=9D. Also my family =
and I, native San=20
Franciscans, frequent Ocean Beach every chance we get. The water is=20
great.
=20
Peevedonpierce =
=20
When driving you still have not figured out which streets have =
timed lights=20
or really that there are timed lights.
=20
=20
sfnative =
people like this writer are exactly why people from LA roll their =
eyes at=20
san fran. just full of uppity pricks like joe. get a clue =E2=80=9CSan =
Fran=E2=80=9D. san=20
francisco is notorious for being way to proud of shitty=20
trends.
sfnative =
=20
be a damn individual. do and say what ever the hell you=20
want.
=20
=20
Jesse =
Yay, let=E2=80=99s play the I=E2=80=99m more local than you game! =
But seriously, don=E2=80=99t call=20
it Frisco.
![](3D"http://cdn1.matadornetwork.com/assets/images/site/matado=)
More=20
like this: Why San Francisco hates Los Angeles ![](3D"http://cdn.matadornetwork.com.s3.amazonaws.com/assets/im=)
=20
=20
